lost friendship

how much endurance will a friendship has or rather i should ask how much it will take to totally screw-up years-long valuable friendship?

met up with my former team-mates and coaches for a lunch. coach sivaji enlightened me, indirectly provided me with an answer which i've been pondering over the years... self-expectation reached a maximum level where one started losing control of the surrounding.

during my peak footballing time at e highest level of football, i lost many friends. since then, i've been wondering what could i have done which caused all my friends to leave me. ain't got any idea.. frustration hit my head, e agony of not knowing what possibly had happened to e world, or rather me, was really a struggling task. innocent parties started to leave me alone so as to remain neutral with e majority.

back then, i did not understand why i was not accepted by my friends although i am playing and training with some of the singapore's best players here. I trained hard, i played hard but it's never e result which i've wanted off-e-field.

coach sivaji said, "when one of certain calibre get used to e highest level of satisfaction, he risks losing valuable friendship at e most easiest level." - reason being, i'd expect my friends to put in maximum effort in all (social) games which absolutely not an easy one for majority. all of them are amateur and they just wanna have fun. then, facial expressions sum it up - arrogant.

9 years. it's been 9 years and finally i've unlocked e misery in my heart which until today, my friends and i don't speak about it anymore. we've all grown up but obviously we are not as close as we were before.

my expectation of my life has changed. not so dramatically but significantly. i've grown up to be more appreciative of what i've got in life. anything which possibly could have bring me more closer to my heart, those are bonus.

does anyone experience e same agony which i've went through? maybe all of you did but still living in a soul-searching world of yours...

interview

i received one of those unexpected call yesterday. guess what, a call from NTUC-Lifestyle magazine, requesting to do an interview with me! after hearing her out, then i realised that it's actually an interview in conjuction with STB as I was featured on one of their show recently. of course ain't in any position to comment but to refer the call to our marcom team pending for advice. according to karen, most probably i will be the one as the magazine has already hand-picked me. kind of nervous but looking forward to another different brand-new experience~

i texted Joanne and informed her on e possible brief appearance on e mag. she felt that it's funny but should be very interesting. i texted DK too. I thought he might be e person most suitable to comment on this interview-issue. despite his hectic rehearsal schedule for e 45yrs anni-celebration, he replied saying that this unexpected interview will be a very good exposure as well as for my own portfolio. I think so..

next course of action does not come into place yet, but do keep my ears open for any further update cum instruction. nonetheless, e interview request is indeed an overwhelming request for me. cheers~

army - my thoughts

(photo: source unknown)

a sense of loneliness hits me immediately after the out-processing. i am not particularly surprised by e mixed feeling attack but rather amazed by how fast this in-camp training has ended. shall use my very own way to sum it up below!

BUNK:
we hav been staying at e same level, same venue and same bed yearly but i just can't help but to comment that to climb all e way up to LEVEL-6 after an exercise is damn tiring lor! can't we change it to level-4 from next year onwards??? for this in-camp, i've also brought in a 4-way extension cable to link up e wall plug to my bed! all my camp mates were impressed! * exclusive usage*

CANTEEN:
e only place for us, e uncles, to la-kopi.. tua bao, siew mai, fan chio and relax. you will never be able to imagine how much we can chat about there! amazing!

E-MART:
for those, especially ladies, who dunno, e-mart is our one and only SHOPPING mart which we can buy things. be it army gears, toiletries or tibits, u will get almost everything! well, this in-camp i am kind of disappointed with e variety which was available for our favourite past-time; shopping! basically other than running shoes and army t-shirts, e rest of e shelves were all empty! nothing to buy leh.. si bei sianz

OUTFIELDS EXERCISES:
first week, we've got a 2D1N ops training then followed by another 3D2N battalion exercise on e second (final) week. not too sure if we're better-trained now, e action-fronts were not as tedious as before but e forever-sunny weather almost killed us! very hot lor! e outfield ration, erm.. seems like has already improved. we've got nasi lemak, nasi bryani and etc. kinna apertizing! journey in e 7-tonne was another memory as well. all of us will squeezed into e truck, located a good location and slept throughout e entire convoy movement! being e "smartest", i've prepared a hammock for my nights in e nobody land during outfield!! training has never been easy as we're preparing for our oversea fatek in thailand in year 2010. gonna speak thai again ya!

PEERS:
singapore is not a big country. everyone knows e fact. but i'll never get to meet any of my campmate outside e camp. it has to be in e camp where we will eventually be able to meet up with each others and there comes e usual cliche like, how's life? how's work? when u're getting married and bla bla bla..

one of e hot topics is of cos e rising popularity of Da-Fung-Chui of Superband! everybody is talking about e band's bassist who happens to be one of our campmates, (hide)yaki! whenever yaki behaved funny, e others will threaten to report to e press! haha.. i'm gonna blog about e moment when we won e waterpolo competition, yaki bared his entire BUTT to e whole camp!! haha..

other than e yaki, shorty (steven lee) has got his own fair share of glory! shorty is a jockey and do not be fooled by his small build, he's not one to mess around with! albert has been transferred to our detachment and ever since shorty has been commanding him to do lots of things like collecting rations, massaging his tired legs and etc! e entire commanding and instructing was known to be a joke but occassionally i found it to be slightly over but I do admit that i did benefit from shorty's BSM-like task allocation at times, haha!!

EARN A LIVING:
quite a couple of our peers are holding interesting job. we will then sit around and talk about his job! below is e interestng jobs breakdown...

1) Jockey (Steven Lee aka Shorty)
2) Air Steward (Darren Deng aka Dalian)
3) Musician/Celebrity (Hideaki aka Superband DFC bassist)
4) Air Traffic Controller (BC Speng aka Chen Zhicai look-alike)
5) Dentist (BSM Tiong aka)
6) Event Coordinator (JUN)!!

SUMMARY:
i cursed and sweared during outfield but when finally everything comes to an end, i feel emotionally empty. i'm gonna miss e army dayz where we do not have to think about what happen outside e camp. all we need to do is to think of when can we have our nights-off, go canteen talk cock, play futbol or lay on e bed playing mobile phones. it's ultimately everyone's dream to be paid salary but do crap! anyway i am always looking forward to e next in-camp which most probably gonna be in aug 2009. i might be writing more next year!

In-Camp Training