met up with my former team-mates and coaches for a lunch. coach sivaji enlightened me, indirectly provided me with an answer which i've been pondering over the years... self-expectation reached a maximum level where one started losing control of the surrounding.
during my peak footballing time at e highest level of football, i lost many friends. since then, i've been wondering what could i have done which caused all my friends to leave me. ain't got any idea.. frustration hit my head, e agony of not knowing what possibly had happened to e world, or rather me, was really a struggling task. innocent parties started to leave me alone so as to remain neutral with e majority.
back then, i did not understand why i was not accepted by my friends although i am playing and training with some of the singapore's best players here. I trained hard, i played hard but it's never e result which i've wanted off-e-field.
coach sivaji said, "when one of certain calibre get used to e highest level of satisfaction, he risks losing valuable friendship at e most easiest level." - reason being, i'd expect my friends to put in maximum effort in all (social) games which absolutely not an easy one for majority. all of them are amateur and they just wanna have fun. then, facial expressions sum it up - arrogant.
9 years. it's been 9 years and finally i've unlocked e misery in my heart which until today, my friends and i don't speak about it anymore. we've all grown up but obviously we are not as close as we were before.
my expectation of my life has changed. not so dramatically but significantly. i've grown up to be more appreciative of what i've got in life. anything which possibly could have bring me more closer to my heart, those are bonus.
does anyone experience e same agony which i've went through? maybe all of you did but still living in a soul-searching world of yours...
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